I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
