So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
