We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
