I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
