I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
