I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
