Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
