My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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