Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize