the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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