Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
