can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize