Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
