Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
