So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
