I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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