Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
