Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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