I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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