Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
