Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Randomize
