I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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