How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize