This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
