i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
