Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
