WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are the jesus of drinking
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
