twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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