Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
