seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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