So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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