I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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