When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
