Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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