Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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