If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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