yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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