dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
