Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
