haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
