The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
