Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
