Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
