READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
