just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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