Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
