Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
