Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
