a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize