What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
