I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
