and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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