They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
