Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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