I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
