I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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