Whod you bang
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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