Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
