What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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