It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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