It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
