You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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