She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize