I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
