they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
