I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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